Mixed Feelings

The end is approaching, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Had you asked me just last week, "How do you feel about going home?" I would have responded, "I can't wait! I'm looking forward to EVERYTHING, and I am ready to leave Korea. It's been good, for sure...but I'm tired of being a foreigner, I'm tired of not fitting in, I'm tired of teaching young children, I'm tired of playing Pokemon with my host sisters (24/7), I'm just plain tired..."

Now...my response might be a little different. What changed? As soon as June changed into July, leaving became REAL. Before, leaving felt like a distant dream, a distant reality that might never come true, making me long for home all the more. But now that I truly, truly am leaving, I recognize a mix of feelings rising within me: Excitement, sadness, confusion, anticipation, happiness.

My oldest and youngest host sisters

I am happy, excited and anticipating home, because I have missed my family, friends and familiar surroundings. On July 21st, I get to go home to Germany, and then I get to go home to Austria, and then home to France, and in August, home to America. I have so many places I can call home, and I am excited to see the places and the people connected to them.

I am sad about going home, because I will truly, truly miss my host family and the friends I have made here. My host family has been a huge blessing, and they have helped me throughout some of the struggles of adapting to a new way of life. My friends also, most of them Fulbright ETAs themselves, have helped in sharing the difficulties and joys of teaching in this culture, and I will miss them.
On top of that, I will be giving up some of my independence, I will have people (family) relying on my again (more than my host family does at least), seeking my attention, and I can't simply give the excuse that I don't understand English or German. Moreover, my summer at home will be very short, and so I want to, and my family wants to, spend as much time together as possible...but I can feel in my bones that I will need alone time...and I'm not sure how to balance that with all the people I want to, and should, meet.

Another thing I will miss...sorta: One of the hardest things about living in Korea, has been not really understanding,or speaking the language. But this has also been a great freedom I have come to enjoy. I have been able to be alone with my thoughts, to sit in a the conference room at work, tuning out, day dreaming, pretty much forgetting to listen to my surroundings, because I don't understand Korean anyway. Most of the time I do try to pay attention, after all, I want to learn Korean, and listening is a great way to practice. But I have the freedom to zone out, and nobody cares. I have the freedom to be alone with my thoughts. It will take some effort at first to adapt to understanding everything that goes on around me. At first, it will drain me emotionally, and I am a little nervous about that.

Lastly, I am sad to say goodbye to Korea. It is a beautiful country, and a fascinating culture that is so different from any of my other cultures (French, German, American). The differences have been hard, and there are some differences I don't agree with, but now that I am leaving, the thought of maybe never coming back makes me sad.

With some 2nd graders who came to visit me at my desk

Well, bottom line, I have 14 more days in this country, and I want to make the most of them. And this summer, I want to make the most of my time in Europe- and grad school, the most of grad school. One thing I think God has been teaching me my whole life, through experiences in Korea and beyond is to live in the present, thanking Him for each day wherever we are.

The Airport World

I am here. I made it! After traveling from Brussels to Istanbul to Seoul, my inner clock is completely turned around, and I know, I know tomorrow I will be dead. But not yet. Today I am enjoying the airport world that is Incheon International Airport.

My flight landed this morning at 10 a.m. Because of pick-up scheduling, Fulbright is only picking all the ETAs up at 5 a.m tomorrow. So to save money, I decided to spend the night in Incheon. Uncomfortable, yes; but beneficial to my pocket book. I payed 15 dollars to have my luggage kept for me in a holding area and then, 70 lb lighter and accompanied by my trusty laptop, I decided to explore the airport. My km counter on my iPhone says I have walked over 5 km today. Not too unusual, except when you imagine those 5 km in an airport. On my adventure I discovered the ice rink hidden on the bottom floor of Incheon. Amazing! Later I stumbled across a movie theatre, and decided to stop in for a screening of the new Finding Dory movie. Not before eating dinner at one of the numerous restaurants on the 4th floor. While enjoying a very spicy dinner, I was serenaded by live piano and violin music, as the airport regularly entertains its guests with live performances, both modern and traditional.

The thing that impressed me most about Incheon was the attention given to educating visitors about the Korean culture. In only one day, I experienced traditional Korean music performances, saw exhibits of Korean art, and other activities. I think Incheon has the right idea, and more airports should make the effort to reach the travelers journeying through; thousands, and thousands every day. Many of us are only transferring to another flight, yet still, I think many travelers would like to learn about the country they are sojourning in.

Here comes..beautiful (scary?)...me!!

I've been struck at how important beauty is in Korea. I took the metro yesterday, and saw at least more than three advertisements for cosmetic surgery. Why Korean women (and men) who are already so gorgeous, would want to change the way they look is beyond me!

However, I think the fundamental need for beauty is something that runs deep in this country. Why? I'm not sure...still working on that one! However it is evident in the amount of beauty and make-up stores on one block, as well as the numerous girls, one walks by, quickly glancing at a handheld mirror to fix the imaginary blemish. Unlike in the States, where one feels no qualms to walk across campus in sweatpants and sneakers, Koreans here are always fashionably dressed.

Me looking scary on a normal Sunday night!^^
(Wearing a facial mask. It really works, my skin is wonderfully soft now!^^)

Yet there is also a desire for beauty that goes beyond the physical. I wend to the University's church this morning, and was pleasantly surprised they offered translation for English speakers! The service reminded me somewhat of a traditional Presbyterian service, but still very different. Perhaps it was the unusual  (to me) looking altar, or the huge glass window. Perhaps it was the haunting music of the choir, or the stirring soloist who sang during the Offering. I don't know what it was exactly, but the one word to describe the service, that came to my mind was simply 'beautiful'.

What I liked about the service was the reverence it called forth, and the seriousness with which the congregation approached worship. And yet....I'm still working through some things! Thanks to the excellent translation I was able to understand the service, and it was stimulating. I have a lot to think about!

The European Coffee Culture

Wafflestübchen

It's wonderful to be in my German home town, Unna. It brings back memories of 8 hour long car trips coming from Innsbruck to visit my grandparents. As a celebration of my mom's 50th birthday (last year), my Oma took us to the Wafflestübchen (Waffle house). It was a wonderful experience to once again sit in a restaurant for three hours, drinking coffee and tea, and enjoying each other's company. The coffee culture in Europe is something I never appreciated growing up, but it is something I really missed during my year in the States.I think I will try and continue the tradition of drinking coffee (or tea in my case) at 4 pm, come rain or shine!

Practicing the Coffee Culture :)

Starbucks knows how to make coffee, but it doesn't know how to drink it! There's something magical about sitting in a café under an open umbrella, gazing at cobble stoned streets and taking time to simply enjoy life! Putting culture into words is very hard to do, but I think it is safe to say that American life is busy, busy, busy. There's always the next thing to do, or the next place to go to. Maybe it's just college life, but I felt like I had no time to simply breathe and BE! That is what I value about the European coffee culture. It's not just the art behind drinking a cup of coffee, but it is the mentality of taking a break and sitting down, not having a: "Coffee to go".

I think the best part about being here again, has been seeing how much the German culture is, and ISN'T my own. I choose to adopt certain customs, like the coffee culture, but I also choose to ignore other customs. That is the blessing in the way I was raised, that I have no culture, and through that am my own culture. I can sort of pick and choose what I want. I am neither completely American, German, Austrian or French, and thus, I am completely my own. I like that!

Thanks to Noah for the awesome pics!