Mixed Feelings

The end is approaching, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Had you asked me just last week, "How do you feel about going home?" I would have responded, "I can't wait! I'm looking forward to EVERYTHING, and I am ready to leave Korea. It's been good, for sure...but I'm tired of being a foreigner, I'm tired of not fitting in, I'm tired of teaching young children, I'm tired of playing Pokemon with my host sisters (24/7), I'm just plain tired..."

Now...my response might be a little different. What changed? As soon as June changed into July, leaving became REAL. Before, leaving felt like a distant dream, a distant reality that might never come true, making me long for home all the more. But now that I truly, truly am leaving, I recognize a mix of feelings rising within me: Excitement, sadness, confusion, anticipation, happiness.

My oldest and youngest host sisters

I am happy, excited and anticipating home, because I have missed my family, friends and familiar surroundings. On July 21st, I get to go home to Germany, and then I get to go home to Austria, and then home to France, and in August, home to America. I have so many places I can call home, and I am excited to see the places and the people connected to them.

I am sad about going home, because I will truly, truly miss my host family and the friends I have made here. My host family has been a huge blessing, and they have helped me throughout some of the struggles of adapting to a new way of life. My friends also, most of them Fulbright ETAs themselves, have helped in sharing the difficulties and joys of teaching in this culture, and I will miss them.
On top of that, I will be giving up some of my independence, I will have people (family) relying on my again (more than my host family does at least), seeking my attention, and I can't simply give the excuse that I don't understand English or German. Moreover, my summer at home will be very short, and so I want to, and my family wants to, spend as much time together as possible...but I can feel in my bones that I will need alone time...and I'm not sure how to balance that with all the people I want to, and should, meet.

Another thing I will miss...sorta: One of the hardest things about living in Korea, has been not really understanding,or speaking the language. But this has also been a great freedom I have come to enjoy. I have been able to be alone with my thoughts, to sit in a the conference room at work, tuning out, day dreaming, pretty much forgetting to listen to my surroundings, because I don't understand Korean anyway. Most of the time I do try to pay attention, after all, I want to learn Korean, and listening is a great way to practice. But I have the freedom to zone out, and nobody cares. I have the freedom to be alone with my thoughts. It will take some effort at first to adapt to understanding everything that goes on around me. At first, it will drain me emotionally, and I am a little nervous about that.

Lastly, I am sad to say goodbye to Korea. It is a beautiful country, and a fascinating culture that is so different from any of my other cultures (French, German, American). The differences have been hard, and there are some differences I don't agree with, but now that I am leaving, the thought of maybe never coming back makes me sad.

With some 2nd graders who came to visit me at my desk

Well, bottom line, I have 14 more days in this country, and I want to make the most of them. And this summer, I want to make the most of my time in Europe- and grad school, the most of grad school. One thing I think God has been teaching me my whole life, through experiences in Korea and beyond is to live in the present, thanking Him for each day wherever we are.

Teaching: Things that Work and Things that Don't

I decided to put together a list that includes some of my key experiences with teaching:

• Games. Lots and lots of games. I teach at Elementary school, which means I teach grades 3-6. The games I use are usually simple like Pass the Ball, Simon Says, 4 Corners, or other traditional ESL games. 

• What works: PPTs with a lot of special effects and funny pictures (the love pokemon, and other anime). If you find one game that is a crowd pleaser, it is ok to play it again, and again, and again... My students love BINGO, always a classic, and they ask to play it repeatedly. 

• What doesn't work: In most of my classes my co-teacher prefers not to translate my English. This means that more involved games, like Mafia, or something like running dictation are hard to explain. I have had some very awkward instances where students have no clue what is going on...but I have also learned from mistakes and now, I always use detailed ppts with pictures for instructions.

• Discipline. Elementary kids are great, because (at least in Korea) they are young enough to still respect you, and are in fact quite awed that a foreigner is even talking to them. This has worked to my advantage in the sense that I have not had to worry about discipline too much.

• What works: Sometimes, when my kids get too excited during a game, or are just not paying attention, I use this attention getter: "Eyes on me!" and they say "Eyes on you!" This is so ingrained in them, and really works. My school implements a reward system, so I will tell them, if I have to say "Eyes on me" three times before the quiet down, they will get points subtracted. This really works to keep them quiet and paying attention.
• Depending on the class, I will give them the silent treatment, which involves me staring them down, not saying a word until they realize I am not happy with them.

• What doesn't work: I have tried, and failed to talk to my kids about why they should be quiet, respect each other, etc. Maybe if my kids were older, I could actually talk to them about concepts such as respect, etc. But  I don't speak enough Korean, they don't speak enough English to really get the point across, and especially my 3rd graders are still so young. It is easier to simply set clear boundaries about class room behavior, and establish the consequences if the rules aren't followed
 

 

• Co-teachers. In Korea, at least for Elementary ETAs, we work with co-teachers. At my school I have a co-teacher for each grade I teach. Each co-teacher has a unique style of teaching, and so your team work will be different. But I have found some things to generally be the same across the board.

• What works: Bigger, complicated games. With my 5th grade co-teacher we did a running dictation where we went outside and let the kids literally run across the entire sport's field. This was great for the kids, and we were able to manage it because there were two teachers, instead of just one. Another thing that works with co-teachers is to split up teaching. What I mean by this, is that I usually let my co-teachers explain grammar points. This is helpful for my students, because they need to understand the grammar in their own language first. 

• What doesn't work: For me, it has not been effective to teach grammar points in English, because my students don't really understand, they just memorize what I say. This might have to do with the young age, and limited English skills of my students. Another thing that hasn't worked with my co-teachers is for them to instruct me in teaching. When I first started teaching I looked forward to learning from my co-teachers, and having some feedback on my own teaching. This hasn't happened, mostly due to my co-teachers' personalities and the work culture in Korea. I have had to learn from observing, and adjust my teaching based on the reactions I get from co-teachers. This has been hard.